December 18, 2023

My Uncommon Essay for UChicago

​Hello, dear reader.


My name is Lucas, and I really love ships and all things ship-related. Today I’ll be talking about my application to the University of Chicago.


The University of Chicago is a renowned institution, known for its difficult application. Aside from the typical “why us” essay, UChicago also requires something they like to call the “uncommon essay”. This essay is long, in-depth, and has bizarre prompts. It’s used to see if a student is a good fit for the culture of the university. I got deferred from UChicago, but I’m still proud of my essay, nonetheless. I wrote an essay on the prompt “Discuss a question presented in a tongue twister”. Please enjoy my uncommon essay.


“She sells seashells by the seashore” is an all-too-common phrase that we’re all familiar with. When I saw it in the prompt I was immediately drawn to the question presented: who does she sell her seashells to? There could be many interpretations of this old British tongue-twister, with infinitely many backstories. Maybe she sells shells on the boardwalk to support her family, maybe she is a conchologist that collects, appraises, and sells shells that she finds, or maybe she is a jewelry maker, creating fine trinkets from her discoveries on the beach. All of these are possible, but when I saw this tongue-twister I could only think of one thing: she lives on a tropical island, and sells the seashells that she finds to Royal Navy sailors during the Napoleonic Wars. 

That’s very niche, isn’t it? Well, yes, but if you’ve read my CommonApp essay then you’d know I kind of have a thing for ships, so it’s where my mind goes most of the time. I instantly thought of one of my favorite movies, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. If you’re familiar with the film, then you’ll know that it follows the crew of the British frigate “HMS Surprise”, on its journey through the Pacific to find and capture “L’Acheron”, a far superior French frigate, capable of destroying the Surprise many times over. It is by far the most realistic nautical fiction movie ever produced. It shows the action of naval warfare, but also the boredom encountered by ship crews most of the time. One scene that I love takes place off the shore of a tropical island. The crew of the Surprise drops anchor to briefly send mail, rest, and interact with the residents of the island, who all come out to the ship in small boats to trade goods. This is the only time in the movie (which spans months during the year 1805) that the crew of the Surprise has any interaction with people not enlisted in the navy, or on some other sailing vessel. Through this we can see the isolation encountered by the crew, because this brief pit stop at the island is special. The crew is delighted to be able to trade goods with the local girls. These goods are all local – fabrics, clothes, arrows – and seashells. 

Think through the lens of a newly enlisted sailor in the royal navy. You leave your home for God knows how long, to go God knows where to do God knows what, and you give up all of the comforts and novelties that you used to enjoy on land. Think of how special it would be to come to land, albeit briefly, to buy a seashell from a local merchant girl, and to carry it with you through your journey as a keepsake. It doesn’t stay as a seashell for very long, though, as you get bored quickly on a ship of His Majesty’s Navy, and need something to do, so you begin to carve it up.

 Scrimshaw is the art of carving designs into whale bones and seashells. It was a hobby taken up by many a sailor, both in times of peace and war, and it was incredibly common in the Royal Navy of the 19th century. Because the hobby of creating ornate designs in bones and shells was so widespread, sailors would often barter for these desirable treasures when they made quick stops at foreign ports. 

Now I have answered the question of who the anonymous She sells her seashells to, but I’m afraid this is not nearly enough information. We must dive deeper to find out exactly where she is selling her shells, what shells she is selling, and to exactly which British crews she is selling them to. 

To answer the first question, we have to look at the British Empire and its scope during the time of the Napoleonic Wars. Britain had lost control of the thirteen colonies, but had retained sizable holdings in Canada. They also had a large number of islands in the Caribbean, as well as the British Guiana territory in South America. In addition, Britain controlled large parts of India, minimal holdings in Africa, Southeast Asia, and some coastal portions of Australia and Tasmania. This gives us a good baseline for where Royal Navy vessels could dock, however, we must also consider the allies of the British who would have allowed the RN to dock. The only major British ally that had an empire was Portugal. The Portuguese had Brazil, small parts of India, a few ports in East and Southeast Asia, sizable holdings in Southern Africa, and many small tropical islands in the Atlantic. Now that we know about all of the safe ports, we can narrow them down to find exactly where She is selling her seashells. 

According to the best scrimshaw artists, thick shells, like large clam, oyster, and scallop shells work the best for carving. These can be found in many places, but only a few of them would have been sold to British sailors under the conditions of the tongue-twister. The coasts of Canada are known for having thick clam shells that are easy to harvest from shallow waters, but this is an unlikely place for a British ship to dock. Canada was already heavily colonized by the Napoleonic Wars, so small-level seashell trading was out of the question at more heavily populated ports, especially ones so far up north. India isn’t known for producing many edible mollusks, so it’s out of the question, as well as Africa. Our two remaining locations are Southeast Asia, and the Caribbean. Southeast Asia is known for having the giant clam. This clam shell is large and thick, perfect for carving, but while Southeast Asia was a heavily colonized area, this colonization did not begin until after the Napoleonic wars.

 We are now left with the Caribbean. I can say definitively that She is selling her seashells by the seashore on some Caribbean island. Not only does the Caribbean have easy access to the eastern oyster, a small yet durable shell, perfect for scrimshaw, but it played a major role during the Napoleonic Wars.

 In the summer of 1805, British Admiral Nelson’s fleet was chasing down a French fleet, led by Admiral Pierre-Charles-Jean-Baptiste-Silvestre de Villeneuve, to avoid a direct French invasion of Britain. This chase involved dozens of ships, and culminated in one of the largest and most important naval battles in all of history: the battle of Trafalgar. Once Admiral Villeneuve received intelligence that Nelson (one of the most famous admirals ever, known for unique strategies that took the enemy by surprise) was on his tail, he decided to sail all the way to the West Indies (known today as the Caribbean) to lose the British fleet that was in pursuit. Admiral Nelson, very cognizant of Villeneuve’s strategy, followed him all the way across the Atlantic, to the West Indies. This is where our story takes place. 

After a month of following the French through Europe, and another month of following them across the ocean to the West Indies, Nelson’s crews are tired. While many of them joined the navy for love of king and country, hundreds of them had been taken from their homes by the press gangs, and forced to serve the crown aboard ship. The time away from hearth and home weighs on the men heavily, so when they find themselves stopping to restock the food, water, and grog supply at the port of Kingston, Jamaica, they enjoy as much rest as they can get. The port is too small to fit a dozen of Britain’s finest men’o’war, so they lay anchor out in the bay, setting the scene for or anonymous She. Locals row out to the large ships of the line in small rowboats, carrying many fine goods to trade. She brings the seashells that she collected to the side of HMS Agamemnon, along with a few other vendors in their own boats, and begins to yell to the sailors on the deck of the large ship. They see her selling these thick shells, perfect for carving, and as bored and miserable sailors they often look for things to do, so the opportunity to occupy themselves with carving seems like a delightful prospect. She makes her way from ship to ship, until she runs out of her oyster shells, and goes home. It's been a profitable day, as a dozen massive British warships don’t come into port often.

Now that we know who she sells her seashells to, which seashells she sells, and where she sells them, I feel that an amendment to the original tongue-twister that we know and love is in order. Instead of “She sells seashells by the seashore”, why not make it “She sells seashells by the seashore to suffering seamen to see their sunny, scurvy smiles, and surge the desire to sink the sturdy ships of sorry, sniveling France”? I bid you adieu.



Classical seashell scrimshaw of a ship in full sail

(Carving by Stan Morley, photo by Maritime Museum Tasmania)


Thank you for your time, I hope you have gained some enjoyment from this essay of mine. I shall remain your most humble and obedient servant, and please return for more ship content.


Yours,

Lucas Ralston

Self-proclaimed ship guy

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My Uncommon Essay for UChicago

​Hello, dear reader. My name is Lucas, and I really love ships and all things ship-related. Today I’ll be talking about my application to th...